An Open Invitation
With all of the latest developments happening all over the world, I can’t help but hear an invitation to pause and ask a vitally important question. What if “do not fear” isn’t simply a command to obey, but an invitation into a lifechanging encounter with the Giver of Perfect Peace?
I am no stranger to fear, most of my childhood was spent in crippling fear. It wasn’t anything anyone did, but the imaginations I had regarding horror movies or scary stories I’d heard about. I knew I couldn’t watch them, but that fear didn’t leave me alone even with the hedges I had put around myself to protect my sensitive mind from those things. I am not exaggerating this either, I had a friend tell me about the movie ‘It’ when I was in middle school [I did not watch this movie mind you, I simply HEARD about it] and for months I lay awake terrified to close my eyes at night. I couldn’t go to the bathroom without shutting all the drains and hovering over the toilet to keep a vigilant eye on the drain below. Sheer terror filled my mind as our town held their annual summer carnival and a soundtrack to my nightmare was set into motion as I was walking through the carousel and carnival games keeping close proximity to my parents. It was always worst at night, but it wasn’t completely absent during the day either. This is only one example, there were several others I endured for long stretches of time with no relief.
Flash forward to my early twenties where this irrational fear took on a different form. After a traumatic experience, I began to obsess with the thought that I was dying from every deadly disease you can imagine. God bless my parents who gracious suffered through the panic filled phone calls to Iowa from Minneapolis, listening to what I was dying from that day. My mom slowly, calmly talking me off the proverbial ledge and back into my right mind. It was so bad that I would do anything I could to avoid situations that I felt I couldn’t control the environment. Large gatherings like concerts or sporting events, forget it, I wasn’t going. I sheltered myself as much as possible, crumbling all the while as I left room for that fear to torment me in my isolation. I’ll never forget the way that fear felt. It would literally take me captive. I am a very rational, calm person, but once that fear hit, every rational brain cell I had would fly out the window and panic would ensue. It was like a rabbit hole with no way to climb out.
I would read medical journals and begin to think that I had all the symptoms, and because I was convinced of this, that meant I subsequently would die. I died a hundred different ways in my mind, all equally horrific and all equally irrational. Looking back at it now, I can see how non-sensical it was for me to believe these things and to allow that terror to rule my life. But in the moment, it’s as if you literally hand over control to a spirit of fear and it, in turn, takes the wheel and spins out. It’s awful - but I know now that it’s not the way things have to be. I know that fear isn’t from God, but that the Spirit Jesus gave me is one of power, love and a sound mind.
As vivid as those memories of terror ransacking my life are, another memory is magnified beyond their reach. It’s the moment I shared for the very first time about my assault. I had recently re-dedicated my life to Jesus (I was 27 years old at the time - I’m 37 now), and I was in my weekly Women’s Bible Study Group. I was sitting at my assigned table with my small group and we were discussing the freeing power we have found in relationship with Jesus. At the time I didn’t really understand why I felt an urge to share, but looking back now, I know it was Holy Spirit giving me courage to take that horror of my past into the light. I remember feeling fearful, but I also remember a strength and resolve that rose up inside of me to share. And as the words left my lips (snap) the power of fear broke over my life in an instant.
I don’t know how else to explain it other than a tangible breaking happened inside of me that set me free. And from that moment on, the crippling fear is a thing of the past. Please hear me, I am not saying that I don’t experience moments when fear tries to take the wheel, I’m not saying that at all. A perfect example is the day I received the email that my very first book, He Waits For Me, was Live and available for purchase on Amazon. I sat in Starbucks and as I read that email the familiar feeling of terror washed over me like a flood. A moment that should have been marked with joy and excitement, was attempting to be taken hostage by an old familiar foe. I recognized it immediately, and admittedly it took me a while to get my bearings and focus on Jesus. I reached out for help from a dear sister in Christ who is always a voice of wisdom for me. She prayed with me and the fear lifted.
I do believe this was a final attempt from the enemy to silence my voice regarding the assault which I shared in the letter in the back of the book. An attempt to see if I would give fear authority to rule over that area of my life again. But through prayer and godly counsel, I fought the urge and held my ground. So as you can see I am not saying I don’t experience opportunities to partner with fear, I am simply saying that I utilize all of the weapons Jesus gave me [His Word, worship, prayer, godly community, declaration, etc], and no longer let fear into the vehicle called ‘my life’. I refuse to allow it a seat at the table.
It took me a while to learn how to rest in the peace of Jesus, and I am still learning every single day. It hasn’t been instantaneous like the healing was that I received that night in Bible study. Instead it’s a daily choice. It’s a choice that presents itself often and in familiar ways. You see fear is the most common weapon of the enemy, and he cannot create, so knowing your triggers is a sure way to know the places you have yet to surrender to the loving hands of Jesus. Our message today at church touched on this, that in order to receive perfect peace, it requires sacrifice from us. We must sacrifice our desire to have control.
Any area we try to control is an area I visualize as “outside the gates”. I have to maintain it, I have to make sure it’s taken care of, but if I surrender it to Jesus, it can enter into His gates of protection, provision, love and care. Even this act of surrender is a partnership. Jesus can’t take control unless I wiling let go, and I can’t willing let go unless I am willing to trust Jesus with the thing(s) I’m holding on to. We rest in His peace through abiding in relationship with Him. A daily soaking in His peace as you sit with Him. In His Presence we rest in Perfect Love and Perfect Love casts out all fear.
In this season I truly believe we have a genuine opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus and represent Him well here and across the globe. Showing His love is shining a bright light into the darkness that is trying to destroy the lives of those who do not yet know the hope that we’ve found. We have a major opportunity to come together as the Bride and pray, intercede for those who are taken captive by fear and those who are sick and vulnerable and move the mountains they see before them through our united faith in the Mountain Mover.
And if you do not yet know the saving grace of Jesus Christ, let me invite you into the open invitation of His loving arms. He sees you and He loves you relentlessly. He is looking into your eyes and saying to you that you are worth it, every agonizing minute of His death on the cross was a pleasure for the opportunity for you to know Him as Savior, Healer, Lord, Friend, everything you’ll ever need. That stirring in your heart is Him knocking at the door and asking if He can come in, all you have to do is turn the knob and receive His invitation.
Say, “Jesus, forgive me of my sins and come into my heart and life as my Lord and Savior. I give You the wheel and receive Your perfect peace. Teach me how to rest in You always, and fortify me with Your strength when I am weak. You are Lord of my life and I give my life to You today. In Your mighty name Jesus I pray, Amen.”
Ah my friend, in troubling times let us not forget:
He is Perfect Peace.
He is for you in every way.
You are loved.
*If you prayed that prayer today for the first time, or again as you re-dedicated your life to Jesus, first off CONGRATULATIONS on making the best decision you’ll ever make!!
And would you please email me at hello@hillaryjmurphy.com so I can celebrate with you and help guide you with a couple first steps to this new beautiful life?
