Wholehearted

Wholehearted

A Poem By: Hillary Murphy

I sat gripping the wheel of control so tightly trying to muster all the strength I had to fight the temptation to look back and see myself as I was. To accept the negative labels attached to the things I’d done. The familiarity of those old clothes was enticing. They were worn and tattered, but they had been a constant for me so I turned to look in the rear-view mirror. And as I did, I saw You…

You were there looking back at me with those eyes. They were piercing right into the depths of me. Those eyes so full of tender love, yet absent of all condemnation. Those eyes so full of grace and unhindered forgiveness, and I got lost in the sea of it all. I was completely overcome. As the waves crashed over me my focus shifted off Yours for a moment, and I tried to gasp for air. Then I heard You whisper “Child, look at Me”, and as I brought my eyes level to meet Yours, You said, “trust Me.”

In those whispered words I knew somehow that You would catch me...so I loosened my grip and I fell. I fell with complete abandon into Your arms, and it was there; nestled against Your chest that I felt the heartbeat of my new identity begin to beat for the first time as my heart’s rhythm was synced with Yours... 

Bum Bum...Precious Daughter.

Bum Bum...Chosen.

Bum Bum...Favored.

Bum Bum...Completely Forgiven.

Bum Bum...Redeemed.

Bum Bum...Fully Known.

Bum Bum...My Beloved.

To hear those words; words I longed to hear my whole life undid me. Words I had desperately needed, words that spoke purpose into the life I thought was ruined. To know I wasn’t a mistake...that I hadn’t blown it for the last time. Those words melted over my shattered heart and You sealed it with Your decree “Tetelestai”. The tattered rags I’d held onto for so long were unraveled as You continued to speak life into me. And to ensure that I knew the old was truly gone, that You had made me brand new; You gently slipped Your very own pure white robe over my shoulders. That evocative gesture, those healing words, they opened my heart again. 

Agape.

You wanted all of me, even the parts I tried to hide, and now You have me; fully and completely. 

Wholehearted.